


Shatter your illusions of love

by Trinsmy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And eventually in later chapters fluff, Angst, But for now pure angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-18 17:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinsmy/pseuds/Trinsmy
Summary: " It was almost like the morality question people liked to ask when drinking together, if a train was coming and there were five people on one track and only one on the other, who would you sacrifice?"A story following the events of Infinity War and taking place during Endgame, this is not canon compliant and dwells into a non-canon relationship. That means that Wanda and Vision are only friends here.





	1. Resignation comes in different forms

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first shot at writing a Marvel fic, so please be patient with me. Please do tell me if you want it to be continued because I need that little push of motivation. Thank you, and I hope my grammar isn't too horrible, as English is not my main language.

Her body burned within itself, the exceedingly powerful energy she was using was wearing her down, but in the end it would all be worth it. It didn't make what she was doing any easier, she had to end one of her friend's life to save others. It was almost like the morality question people liked to ask when drinking together, if a train was coming and there were five people on one track and only one on the other, who would you sacrifice? It was a hard decision, choosing to sacrifice the one person would make it seem as if their life was worth less than the other's. But if you sacrificed the other five it would make it clear that you thought the one person's life was worth more than five other. It almost made her laugh, if she wasn't so focused on trying to destroy the stone on Vision's forehead. 

The situation was similar, sacrifice one life for billions. She truly loved Vision, he was one of her best friends, someone she could rely upon when she had bad nights. Her mind drifted onto a particular someone who was always there with her. She was the one who had caught her heart and made everything worth it, made life worth living. Natasha had been hard on her at first, she had expected some hesitation from everyone on the team after she had sided with Ultron. Her anger made her blindly team up with who she thought would give her the tools to end Tony Stark. But they eventually got closer, friendship slowly blooming into love. Utter unconditional love for each other, nights filled with nightmares clenched with soft kisses and hugs. Her mind wandered, her way to deal with the emotional torture of the situation she was put in. But eventually she would have to come to terms with what she was doing. 

Looking behind her, she could see Thanos was trying to push through her power. Panic bubbled in her chest, choking her. Maybe it was the tears that were doing it first, but the sudden feeling of incompetence made it hard to breath. Her gaze moved in front of her, settling onto the kneeling man while trying to keep the other being at bay and away from them. Every sound seemed far away, as if she was drowning, senses muddled into nothing. Her chest was heaving, trying to fill her body with enough oxygen to keep going. She knew Vision wouldn't hate her for doing this, she knew he would want the best for everyone, for her and Natasha. 

When word of their relationship started to float around she was overwhelmed, she didn't know what to do. Her first thoughts were 'Is Nat going to leave me? Is this forbidden?' But everyone had been so supportive of them, they knew the two were like fucked up puzzle pieces, so torn and broken, somehow fitting together perfectly. Steve in particular had come up to her and gave her a heartfelt hug. His words always made her smile 'Love knows no limits, Wanda. Always do your best to protect her, as she will do the same.' So here she was, basically obligated to kill Vision to save not only the love of her life, but billions of people she didn't even know.

Her thoughts were running so fast and hard that she didn't notice the stone had been destroyed until it pushed her back from the sudden surge of energy that had been released. Landing hard on her back she coughed harshly and watched as Thanos took slow steps towards his lifeless body. She had done her job, everything would be okay now. Her weary gaze kept its focus on the monster in front of her. Eyes shot wide open as she noticed what he was really doing, trying to stop him as quickly as she could. Throwing her hand out she yelled a pitiful 'No.' And closed her eyes as he snapped his fingers. She could feel Thor suddenly arriving, but she didn't care. She had to make sure that Natasha was okay. Alive. Opening her eyes she pushed herself as quickly as she could considering she was so worn and spent from the energy she had to use to destroy the stone. It didn't even matter anymore, her hard work was worth shit. The monster had won. 

Looking around she could feel something tug in her gut, not sure of what it was yet she ran over to where Natasha was last in and watched with horrified eyes as Bucky seemed to disintegrate into dust. Steve kneeling on the patch of earth that the ashes had fallen on. "Steve! Where is Natasha?" Her heart clenched at the thought of Natasha being one of the many who would turn into nothing. Wordlessly he pointed behind her and she sprinted over to her other half, she felt bad for not comforting him, but she had to make sure her love was alive. Natasha was very much alive and her chest fluttered in relief. She still felt that tugging in her gut, it didn't make her feel okay. Kneeling beside her she took her face with her hands and pressed a deep kiss onto her lips. 

Natasha was filled with relief when she saw Wanda run over to her, caught off guard by the kiss but welcoming it wholeheartedly. "Wanda, you're okay thank God. I thought I lost you." Wanda just clutched her tightly, pulling away when she felt weird. "I... I don't feel so well." Bringing her hand up to Natasha's cheek she watched horrified as it slowly started to waste away into dust. "No. No! I don't want to go. Nat! I love y-" she couldn't finish her sentence before everything seemed to go dark for her. Natasha knelt onto the floor, trying to grab at her as she disintegrated. "No." A whisper, only for herself as she felt pure heartbreak and grief run through her veins. "No. No. No. Wanda..." Her hands tried to pick up the ashes, as if that would help the situation. Tears started to run down her face, filled with pure hate now. The one thing in life that gave her hope, showed her true love, now gone. Turned into nothing. She could vaguely feel as Steve pulled her into a hug, trying to comfort her as best as he could. But she felt numb, so out of touch, still unbelieving that this was happening.

**_Five years later_ **

Her heart would never settle. She knew it would never forget, it would never stop hurting any less as time passed. But she felt utterly heartbroken when they had confronted Thanos, much to everyone's surprise, and Thor had beheaded him. They were left with no answers, no hope. They only thing they could do know was just keep going on for those who weren't there with them. But what good was it when she was missing her other half? What life was there without her? She had taken being some sort of director, keeping tabs with everyone that was still alive. Trying to keep her mind occupied with anything to keep the thoughts of her lost lover at bay. If Thor hadn't killed him, she would have done it herself. 

She had been stumped, given up on any hope at all, until a certain man had come to the headquarters, yelling at the camera like a lunatic. And very much like a lunatic suggested the idea of Quantum Realms and time travel. Turning to Steve she raised an eyebrow in confusion and maybe, just maybe, a sliver of hope was visible in her eye. Maybe there was hope.


	2. Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A couple of years ago, Natasha would have been expecting she would have to give something in exchange for a simple action like this. She was programmed to never let her guard down, knowing that even the simplest of situations could lead to her death. But with Wanda she slowly learned that not everything was about giving something in return."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the comments! I hope you guys like this one, and please do keep commenting just to know that I am doing this correctly. Thank you a million times!

They had decided to go to the one person they knew would have enough knowledge to help this idea of Scott's. Her chest felt tight, with hope or resignation? She still didn't know. On the drive to the man's house she looked out the window. Flashbacks of sweet memories she had been carefully caring for to never forget them.

_Natasha was laying down, body exhausted after training for longer than usual. Her eyes closed in an attempt to rest for a moment. She could hear a certain someone moving around in their bathroom and she smiled, everything about the situation was so domestic and sweet. Eyes slowly opening when she felt a hand on her cheek, looking up at the woman in front of her. "Nat, I set up the bath for you. As much as I love you, I don't want to sleep next to you smelling like wet dog." Wanda grabbed her hand to pull her up gently, and Natasha let her even if her muscles protested at the action._

_Being guided to the bathroom she let out a deep yawn and stretched. Quickly taking off her clothing with Wanda's help. "You're so beautiful, love." Wanda whispered under her breath and she pressed a small peck on her forehead, helping her settle into the warm bath she had set up. Natasha just smiled and hummed in relief as her aching body seemed to relax under the warm water. "You didn't have to do this." She stated as Wanda ran a small wet towel on her back to clean her up. Hearing a laugh behind her she smiled and turned her head to look at the younger woman. "I didn't. But I want you to be comfortable when you sleep." A very comfortable silence settled onto the bathroom, each woman just comfortable in the presence of the other._

_A couple of years ago, Natasha would have been expecting she would have to give something in exchange for a simple action like this. She was programmed to never let her guard down, knowing that even the simplest of situations could lead to her death. But with Wanda she slowly learned that not everything was about giving something in return. That every little thing she did, like this, came from deep inside her. To just make her happy. Not expecting anything back. Maybe that was what made her fall in love with the younger woman. Or maybe it had been how strong she was. Loosing almost everything in her life, still standing strong not letting herself falter the tiniest bit. But Natasha had learned that it was just a facade. Wanda had let her in, and let her see how much she really was hurting. How the death of her brother had affected her so bad she had lost hope._

_Hope. It was such a small but very powerful thing._

She was brought out of her thoughts by a hand taking its place on her knee. Her eyes burned when she made a small note that it was too big, too calloused to be the hand she wanted to feel. Turning to look at Steve she cleared her throat in an attempt to calm herself. "We're going to get her back, Nat. We just need his help." The man turned to meet her gaze when he had parked in front of the cottage they had been driving to. She knew he was trying his best to comfort her, it helped a bit, but she knew it would only become real when they convinced the very stubborn Tony Stark to help them.

Keeping quiet she just gave a small nod and wiped her tears away with the back of her hands. Opening the door she slowly got up from the car seat and sighed. They needed his help. It would just be a matter of seeing if her was willing to do it. They had basically intruded into a moment he was having with his daughter and she looked away, feeling bad for doing this. When Scott had brought up the idea of the time heist he just scoffed and criticized them. "I have put the past behind me, you guys should do the same." The words dug deep into her heart, like a sharp knife and the way he said it was only twisting it deeper. Her blood boiled and she shook with frustration and anger. "It's easy for you to say when you didn't lose Pepper." It was a low blow, but she knew that maybe it would make him see that they needed his help. That she needed his help. But it seemed to do nothing as he just stood up and stared at her. "Dinner is almost ready, if you want to stay and not speak about your silly plan."

Her hands clenched hard into fists and she let out an exasperated sigh, trying to not yell at him. To not let out her anger on him, so she just turned away and strutted over to the car, slamming the door shut behind her as she put her face in her hands, letting the bottled up anger and feeling of incompetence out. Tears slipping through her fingers as she sobbed over everything. The friends she had lost. The love of her life she had lost. She was pissed, pissed because she knew the man could've helped them. But he didn't want to, and that made her composure crumble even more. They would have to get help from someone else.

Steve just looked over to the car, knowing Natasha was devastated. Turning to look at Tony with a sour look he shook his head and motioned for Scott to follow him. "Let's go." Slowly walking to the car he made enough time to let Natasha calm down and he motioned for Scott to stop. "We know someone else who could maybe help."

So here they were, in a diner with Bruce Banner. Natasha was just desperate at this point. She needed someone who would help her get Wanda back. Some kids walked over to them before they could even explain the plan, and she watched with weary eyes as Bruce accepted to take pictures with them. "Don't you want a picture with me?" Scott tried to butt in and the children shook their heads claiming they didn't know who he was. "C'mon! I'm Ant-Man. The Ant-Man." He tried to explain but just pouted when the kids still said no. "Why does no one like me?" Natasha just squeezed his shoulder and smiled "I like you." Bruce turned back to look at them and motioned for them to explain what they wanted to meet up for.

Hesitation was clear on his face but he nodded "Quantum physics is not my expertise. But I am willing to help you."

Now they were at the Avengers' headquarters, with a ridiculous van inside of the building, and Natasha was almost hopeless as they watched Scott being turned to different versions of himself. Her feet felt as if they were lead weights, making it hard to walk. But she needed to do something to occupy her mind. Being left alone with her thoughts was never good, it only made her feel worse for being one of the many to survive when others deserved being alive even more than her. A certain person in particular.

_It was their second year anniversary when she had decided to cook something for both of them. Just a simple dinner with a bottle of wine. Wanda had been on a small mission and was expected to come home that day. It gave her enough time to go out and get her a gift. Something she knew the woman would love. The small box carefully wrapped was on the table, just waiting to be opened. The door opened and her smile grew as she saw the object of her love and affection walk through it. Walking over to her she gave her a heartfelt hug and kissed her neck slowly. It was quickly reciprocated as she felt small and tender arms wrap around her and a familiar lovely voice reach her ears. "Happy anniversary, Nat." Her smile growing impossibly wide. "Happy anniversary to you too, love. Come here, I made dinner." She helped her shimmy off her jacket and grabbed her by the hands to set her down on a chair on their small table._

_Taking the small box from where it rested she handed it to her and ran her hand through her hair. She was very nervous, yes. Not knowing what the other woman would say. As she watched her carefully open it she dropped to one knee and gave out a shaky sigh. "Wanda Maximoff, you are the light of my life. The one who makes me believe that maybe life is turning around for me. The one I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. I want to be the one who is there for you when you feel sad, or when you don't want to even wake up, when you are happy, even when you feel nothing, just numb. I want to be with you for the rest for my life. So please... marry me?" The younger woman sat shocked, staring at the small ring inside the box. The silence was making Natasha nervous but she looked down at the knelt woman and she pulled her in for a deep kiss, tears starting to run down her face. Happy tears. "Yes, yes, yes!"_

She hadn't noticed her hand was grabbing at the ring in her necklace until she was brought out of the memory by a concerned looking Steve, Tony right behind him. Hope was such a small and powerful thing for a woman to have, and now she had it.


	3. And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For the last five years I've been trying to do one thing, and it was to get right here. That's all it's been about. Getting everybody back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you in a few chapters

With Tony's help they managed to work together, everyone taking the job to bring everyone who was still alive to make this plan work. Steve had assigned her to look for Clint. Her mind had to ignore the constant memories floating around it to actually find him. She knew about his recent vigilante behavior and she only had to read the news for a few minutes to deduce that he was somewhere in Japan. Deciding to start simple she booked a flight to Tokyo. When she had arrived a pang of hurt hit her like a train, remembering how Wanda mentioned her dream of visiting Japan with her some day. How she wanted to try the food now that she actually had the opportunity to eat different types of meals.   
  
Her walking faltered for a moment, it was night but the streetlights managed to make it bright and colorful. In any other moment she would have appreciated the beauty of it, but for now she just kept her quiet steps clutching the umbrella in her hand as if it was her life line. Metaphorically speaking maybe it was. Her being here was already a step towards progress being made to get everyone back. To get Wanda back. Carefully standing on the sideline she watched as the Japanese man pleaded for his life, and how Clint didn't even hesitate in taking it a moment later. "Barton." Her voice was steady, quiet, so much that it could've been confused as a gust of wind running through the air.   
  
He basically sideyed her and his shoulders slumped in apprehension. He had been avoiding all of the avengers after the decimation. Something that he shouldn't have done, but couldn't help it. He felt the need to do something good in the world, now that he didn't have his family. There was no time to mourn for him, it was useless to stay back and be pitied when he could actually do something. "Romanoff." His voice broke through the tense atmosphere like a sharp knife. He was almost expecting for her to tell him to go back, to stop his little vigilante escapades as an attempt to mask his grief. But he knew her better than that. Natasha gave her a sour frown and she looked down at the bodies, unfazed by them, and sighed. "We need you right now. Scott Lang, the one who you, Wanda and Sam were in the raft with, he's alive and with a plan." Stepping closer to him she stared at his puzzled expression and tried to look strong in front of him. He was her best friend, so she wasn't really sure if the act would go unnoticed by him. "A plan that we need you in." She finished off and gripped the umbrella even tighter.  
  
If it hadn't been Natasha Romanoff to say that he would have laughed in their faces, tell them they were crazy, and maybe even give them a beating. But it was Natasha, and he knew that she didn't fuck around with these types of things. Even more considering she had also lost a part of her after the decimation. He let out a deep sigh and ran a hand down his face. "I really doubt you would need me there. I'm still doing-" trying to find the right word for his actions he went with a simple "field work." Pulling the katana up to his face, he slowly wiped at it with a spare cloth and turned to look at the woman with a heavy gaze. "I don't want you to make me believe there is still a chance to fix all of this, that maybe there is hope." His tone was bitter, almost as if he had truly given up.  
  
Natasha just stood quietly for a few seconds, smiling at how similar the pain they were feeling was. "That's what I'm here for, actually." Pushing the umbrella closer to him she waved it in his eyes as if to tell him to grab it. "We both thought there wasn't any hope. But there is, Clint. We can get them all back. Your family-" extending her hand out to him as an offering she choked up and let a tear fall from her eyes, mixing into the blood and rain under their feet. "And mine." He knew very well what she was referring to. After all, he had been the one to accompany her when she was looking for the perfect ring to get. Some days he felt bad for vanishing on them, not being there for her. How Wanda's face was between the many in the report of those who had turned into dust.   
  
Staring down at the hand for a moment he tentatively reached for it and pulled her into a tight hug, finally letting his tears fall after everything that had happened. Hugging his last slive of hope in this fucked up situation. "Nat, I'm so sorry for not being there for you." He was met with a quiet chuckle and he breathed in her scent to ground himself, just to make sure that this was really happening. "No need to apologize, Barton. We all deal with grief in different ways. I would never hold that against you. But now, now we have a chance to bring them back. All of them." She got lost in the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around her, his chin pressed against the top of her head. She didn't know how badly she needed his comfort. It was a breath of fresh air after being cooped up in HQ by herself after all this time.   
  
It hadn't been too hard to convince him, and for that she was grateful, she wasn't sure if she had enough energy to actually persuade him if he put up a fight. Staring up at the machine in front of their eyes her heart skipped a beat, they were getting so close to actually getting everyone back. Bucky, Sam, Wanda... A heavy hand rested on her shoulder and she turned to look at the owner of it. Steve was standing tall as he always did, trying to be the support beam of the group. It was appreciated, but it didn't make things any easier. After Clint had come back from his time trip everyone was on edge, nerves so high it was almost palatable in the air.   
  
They had devised a plan, deciding that separating would be the best way to get all the stones in one trip. Banner, Stark, Lang and Rogers taking the three stones in New York. While Nebula and Rhodey were to head to Morag to take the power stone shielded there. Rocket and Thor taking off to Asgard to get the stone they were responsible for. That left Clint and her on the journey to Vormir for the soul stone. Everyone had decided it was the best plan, even if Thor seemed to be a mess.   
  
Climbing on the cliff had been easy enough for the both of them. What they weren't expecting was Red Skull appearing claiming that a sacrifice had to be made. They both looked at each other, knowing damn well what he meant by that. Minutes had passed, her mind running. "Whatever it takes..." her whisper was met with a repeat of what she just said, Clint walking around trying to think of what they could do. Slowly standing up her brows furrowed and she stood in front of the man. "If we don't get that stone, millions of people will stay dead." Her voice starting to falter. "I guess we both know who it's gotta be." Clint put out his hand and let her grab it, she put both her hands onto it and looked up. His gaze settling onto them for a second before he really understood what she meant. "I'm starting to think, we both mean different people here." His gaze moved onto her face and she grabbed his hand tightly. "For the last five years I've been trying to do one thing, and it was to get right here. That's all it's been about. Getting everybody back." Pressing their foreheads together as a last goodbye, she could feel the tears start to burn in her eyes. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?" He muttered out and pulled away slightly. Giving a small nod she sighed moving her gaze back to the cliff.  
  
Turning to Clint again she gave him a small smile, mind already set on who would be the sacrifice. He had a family, a wife and kids. While her life, well her life was worth nothing next to his. She only had Wanda, and if giving her life to make sure the younger woman got the chance to live her own was the option, she would do it a million times. Clint returned the smile, and she almost thought that he would let her do this without a fight. But it was wishful thinking. "You in?" Followed by him knocking her to the ground, catching her off guard. "Tell my family I love them." Panic ran through her body as she knew what he was trying to do. She couldn't let him do it. He had more to live for than her. Quickly countering his attack she kicked him and smacked his body onto the floor, putting her fist out ready to shock him. "You tell them yourself." Shooting at him she bolted to the edge of the cliff not before being sent back by an explosion, groaning in pain she looked around and watched as the man ran to the ledge. Picking herself up she sprinted after him and caught his body midair, shooting a grappling hook and securely fastening it around him.   
  
Now they both dangled on the ledge. Her hand being held by the man above her. Her chest felt tight, knowing that she wouldn't be back with Wanda. Maybe this was the universe's way of flipping her off and telling her she would never really be happy. Not after everything she had done. "Damn you!" Clint looked down at her and tried to pull her up, her gaze turning down at the long fall beneath them. Looking up at him she gave him a tiny smile "Let me go."   
  
"No, please no."  
  
Her smile didn't falter as she whispered "It's okay." His pleas kept going and she closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the tear start to run down her cheeks, the tracks leaving a cool feeling when the wind blew past them. "Tell Wanda I love her, that I'm sorry." Noticing he wouldn't budge she kicked against the wall and she let his hand go. Time seemed to slow down and as she stared up at his dangling form. Eyes wide open as she knew this was going to be her last moments.  
  
_The day she knew she was in love with Wanda had been a rough one, the woman had woken up from a nightmare, one of the many that started appearing after her time in the raft. Natasha had heard about it, and she was heartbroken, angry at Stark for even letting this happen. Angry at herself for letting it happen. Cradling the younger woman in her arms she pressed sweet kisses on her temple. Letting her know that she was there, that she was safe. "Wanda, baby. It's okay, you're okay. You're in my room, it was just a dream." Comforting words melted into the air as the brunette slowly started to gather her surroundings. She knew her words were being heard when small arms wrapped around her, sobs thumping against her chest in relief. "I love you. I love you so so much." She whispered out, pressing a kiss on top of her head. Running her hand on her arm to calm her down._  
  
_It had been the first time she had said it. She had come to terms with it. Her heart finally settling as she allowed herself to finally love someone. Someone who loved her back._  
  
Clint cried as he watched her fall, her body making a sickening sound when it finally hit the ground. He couldn't believe it, his body shaking from the harsh breathing. Everything went dark after a loud crackling noise. 


End file.
